Learning Hokkien the "Kia" Way November 22, 2008

Its the weekend. Relax and unwind. Forget your woes.
Found this funny article that is bound to tickle you. Anyway, the contents have been changed a little because of its slightly sensitive words. Here it goes:

LEARNING HOKKIEN IS AS EASY AS ABCChildren is “kina kia”
Boy is “zha poh kia”
Girl is “zha boh kia”
Bird is “chiao kia”
Korean car is “kia”
Furniture is “Ikia”
Police is “mata kia”
Handphone is “Nokia”
Small house is “chu kia” Picture is ” ang kong kia “
My friend is a “Hokkien Kia”
Caucasian is “ang moh kia”
Chinese is “deng lang kia”
Japanese is “jit pun kia”
Bad guy is “pai kia”
Good guy is “ho kia”
Person who read this is “gong kia” *
If you laugh, you are “siao kia” *

* For the sake of non-hokkien kia:“Hokkien is Singapore’s Major Chinese Dialect”
“Gong Kia” roughly means Stupid Fool
“Siao Kia roughly means Crazy Fool
I almost fell off my chair laughing like a Siao Kia.
Have a “siao”…I mean Great Weekend !!!

Why She Is Still Not Married ! November 17, 2008

For the last few days, images of that poor man being killed by White Tigers at the Singapore Zoo keep replaying in my mind – images of his last moments face to face with that big cat – he was actually staring at the jaws of death and this was captured on photo by a Tourist!!! This brought back flashes of image of another episode which happened in Malaysia where a Man was actually swallowed by a giant Phyton snake. Gosh, I can’t imagine being swallowed by a Snake and of all things, snake is one my phobias, phobia of snakes and worms or crawlies.

Just to take my mind off this sad episode, here’s something light-hearted which I want to share with you:

A woman visited the Singapore government marriage matchmaking Agency, SDU, and requested: “I am looking for a husband. Please help me to find a suitable one.”

The SDU officer said, “Your requirements, please.”

“Oh, he must be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don’t go out.
Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

The officer listened intently and after a long pause, replied:
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“Ma’am, I think what you need is a Television.”

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

What’s In a Name (Story 2) September 10, 2008

What’s In a Name (Story 2)

This story happens in Singapore.

Twenty -Eight Years ago, a jewellery businessman was enthralled with Scottish Singer and Guitarist, DONOVAN, that he named his third child after the artiste. (P/s: Many parents named their children “KEVIN” after the movie “Home Alone 1″ was shown).

But the young father put his own spin on it replacing “D” with “J” and “n” with “l”. Added to that, the Teochew (dialect) family’s surname “Fan” was spelled “Wham” in a “registration error”.

The resulting name – JOLOVAN WHAM – has got many Singaporean tongues in a twist now that he is a vocal migrant workers advocate

The executive director of Humanitarian Organisation for Migration Economics (Home) laughs as he says: “It is a weird name, most people don’t know how to pronounce it”

You might want to read another quite hilarious “What’s In a Name” (Story 1) Please Click Here to Read

Local Joke: Anyone, Someone, Every… July 16, 2008

Just a Local Singapore Joke …

Chinese Names – Annie Wan (Anyone)
For the sake of Non-Singaporean readers who may not be familiar with ‘Singlish’, local culture & lingo, please let me fill you in a little. Singaporeans like to have a Christian or English Name followed by their Surname. Being an innovative lot, they even invent their own English Names. For instance, if he has a very common name like Tan Ah Seng, he will be called by his second and last name, ‘Ah Seng’. If he doesn’t like the name, he will ‘baptise himself’ and give himself a nickname, say, Brandon or “Helldon” followed by his surname “Tan”. So, there you have it – he is know know as “Helldon Tan”.

Tips: Never give your children unfamiliar or ‘out of this world’ names or your children could end up having to answer these questions…FOR LIFE !!!: ‘Hellden’ what?, I am sorry I didn’t catch your name, can you please repeat that name again or can you please spell your name, etc etc.

Talking about names makes me recall one name which I shall never forget. This is the name to beat all names and seriously, it is not a joke. I happened to stumbled onto it. Here goes – His NAME is CAESAREAN WAN (surname has been changed, in case I get sued) and you know what? He is a gynaecologist. This guy must have fulfilled his parents’ dream of him becoming a gynaecologist when he grew up, huh!!! So here is another tip to all mothers-to-be or mothers wannabe: if you want (or rather dream) your son to be the future President, then name him “President” and your dream will come true ….hehehe.

Ok, enough of what’s in a name. Here goes this ‘localised’ joke I received from a true-blue Singaporean friend who incidentally don’t have an English Name.

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan ( someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s
this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then
the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t
have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!